The Greatest Jokes Thread Ever

[Ashok]

Big Black Bear was strolling along the forest with cute little white rabbit, then halfway thru, BBbear felt a stroke in his stomach and he told sweet white rabbit dat he wanna go find some place and do the 'big' thing; surprisingly, rabbit turned shy and embarressed and told bear she wanted to do the same thing too. So went giggling along and found a suitable place for their big toilet job. All were quiet when suddenly BBbear asked sweet rabbit, :"Hey, ur white and floffy fur..... don't u worry u might dirty it? " rabbit replied :" well, i used to, but now i'm used to it, nevermind." Without hesitation, BBbear stood up, with one grab, he used little rabbit to wipe his big black *******

[mkrishlive]

Q: Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
A: Because below 18 was not allowed !!!

Q: What's the difference between a surd and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.

[Ashok]

A man gets home, runs into his house, slams the door and says, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"

The wife says, "Wow! That's great! I'm so happy! Should I pack for the beach or should I pack for the mountains?"

He replies, "I don't care. Just get the hell out!"

[mkrishlive]

Q: Why do men like surd jokes??
A: Because they can understand them.

Q: What does a surd say when you ask his if his blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

[Ashok]

A man tried to sell a dog to his neighbor.
"This dog can talk, he said, "and he could be yours for only five dollars!"
The neighbor said: "What do I look like? An idiot? There ain?t no such thing as a talking dog."

Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes and pleaded: "Please buy me, Sir! This man is cruel. He never gives me enough to eat, he never takes me for a walk, and he never bathes me! Before he kidnapped me, I used to be a famous trick dog in Europe. I performed on TV and before the Royal Family of England."

"Wow!," said the neighbor, "That mutt really can talk! Why would you want to sell him for five lousy bucks?"
"Because I?m getting tired of all his lies."

[Ashok]

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Technical Support," says the balloonist.

"I do," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but completely useless."

The man below says: "You must be in management."

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're still in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

[Ashok]

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops, a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.

At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.

The next day the same thing happened-Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the next day, and the one after that, and so forth. This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him.

Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself.

So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, "Big John doesn't pay!," the driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, "And why not?"

With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, "Big John has a bus pass."

[Ashok]

An 80 year old man is having his annual check-up
at his doctor's office. He says to the doctor, "I've
never felt better in my whole life. In fact, I have a 20
year old bride who's pregnant and having my child.
What do you think of that !!!"

The doctor thinks for a second and then says,"Let
me tell you a story.

I know this guy who's an avid hunter. He never
misses a hunting season. But one day he's in a
hurry to go hunting and he accidentally grabs his
umbrella instead of his rifle. So he's in the woods
and suddenly a giant grizzly bear appears out of
nowhere. He raises his umbrella, points at the
bear, squeezes the handle and the bear drops
dead in front of him. What do you think of that?"

The old man says, "That's impossible. Someone
else must have shot that bear!".

"EXACTLY" says the doctor.

[mkrishlive]

Q: What do you get when U offer a surd a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.

Q: What do you call 10 surds standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

[Ashok]

TEACHER : Why are you late?

BALGOBIN : Because of the sign.

TEACHER : What sign?

BALGOBIN : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."