The Greatest Jokes Thread Ever

[mkrishlive]

Mom : Why are you wiping the floor with that cake?
Son : Well, it's a sponge cake, isn't it?

It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he asked.
"Doing my Christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.
"That's no offense," replied the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.

[mkrishlive]

A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to
appear for a minor traffic summons.
He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.
"WHAT FOR?!?!?" he snapped at the judge.
The Judge, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud: "Twenty dollars contempt of court! That's why!"
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented:
"That's all right. You don't have to pay now."
The guy replied...
"I know - I'm just seeing if I have enough for 2 more words!"

A man walks into a shoe store, and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sales clerk.
"Well they feel a bit tight," replies the man.
The assistant promptly bends down and has a look at the shoes and at the man's feet. "Try pulling the tongue out," the clerk says.
"Well, theyth sthill feelth a bith tighth." (DOH!)

[mkrishlive]

Q: What is the surd doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

Q: Why did the surd stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.

[mkrishlive]

Q: Why do surds work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

Q: What did the surd do when he noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: He turned it over and used the other side.

[mkrishlive]

A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups.

The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face.

"What the heck did you do that for!?!" the man screams.

"Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore do you?"

The man says, "No I don't, you IDIOT...
But my wife out in the car still does!"

[mkrishlive]

Replies n views r allowed in this forum guys......

[mkrishlive]

Idiot Sightings>>>>>

Sighting #1:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."

[mkrishlive]

Idiot Sighting #2:


The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving!"

[mkrishlive]

Idiot Sighting #3:

At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "this is fun. We should have lunch like this more often," Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.

[mkrishlive]

Idiot Sighting #4:

I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on.

Idiot Sighting #5:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" "I know," answered the young man. "I already got that side..."