[Anu]

Oral sex and intercourse are two very different things, says Kat, 16, of New Jersey. With oral sex, you get gratification without any of the consequences of actually having sex.

Laura, 15, of North Carolina, puts it another way. “I do everything except intercourse because you can be pleasured without intercourse,” she says.

Unfortunately, what these teens don’t know could give them a lifelong disease.

Too many teenagers think that because oral sex doesn’t present the risk of pregnancy, it is harmless. They don’t realize that many sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are just as easily transmitted through oral sex as through vaginal or anal sex, says Connie Poor, a sex educator at the HiTOPS (Healthy Interested Teens Own Program on Sexuality) clinic in Princeton, New Jersey. Herpes, gonorrhea, hepatitis B, HIV, and syphilis can all be transmitted through oral sex.

Poor says teens come to her clinic mystified because they’ve gotten an STD without having intercourse. “When teens tell me they’re abstinent,” she says, “the first thing I ask them is what they’re abstaining from and what their definition of sex is.”

A recent online survey conducted by Twist magazine showed that 25 percent of teens who called themselves virgins had engaged in oral sex. In fact, most teens don’t see oral sex as anything close to intercourse; instead, they believe it to be much more casual and risk-free. And, teens have varying opinions about whether oral sex can be part of a sexually abstinent relationship.

Abstinence means no penetration, says Sam, age 17. “You can do anything up to that point, oral sex and all, and still be considered a virgin. There’s a huge gap between oral sex and intercourse.”

Seventeen-year-old Julia says, “With oral sex, you don’t get the emotional attachment that comes with intercourse. Oral sex isn’t real sex; it’s much more casual, and it comes with a lot fewer responsibilities.”

Jane, 16, disagrees, voicing a more health-conscious opinion. According to her, “Abstinence is restraining from any kind of sex — oral, vaginal, or anal. By having any type of sex you come into contact with sperm and other fluids. You can’t do that and be a virgin.”

Having different definitions of sex and abstinence is OK, says Poor, but teens still need to be educated about all types of sex and protect themselves. Protection is very accessible. Condoms and dental dams (a square of latex that covers a female’s genitals) provide good protection for oral sex and come in a variety of flavors.

So, while people may have different opinions about oral sex, one thing is clear—everyone should be aware of the health risks and take proper steps to be safe.